Nurses Can Offer Reassurance When Cancer Changes Relationship Roles

Many relationships thrive after cancer, but how?

painting by jparadisi

Self Portrait by jparadisi

I think they transcend.

In a way, a patient is lost to loved ones during cancer treatment. Roles within the relationship change. The big, powerful husband adored by his wife of many years is now too weak to get in or out of their car without assistance, let alone do his longtime chores around the house. The wife and mother who makes Martha Stewart look like an amateur has not only stopped preparing gourmet meals, but can’t tolerate the smell of cooking food either, forcing Dad to pick up deli stuff, or order pizza to feed their hungry children.

Everyone has to adjust when a family member has cancer. The roles have changed.

  • There’s a new chapter in the family medical history. The cancer patient is the unwilling author of a family cancer history. Genetic counseling is an option, but family members may not want to know the results. It depends on their comfort level with the sword of Damocles dangling above them.
  • Partners become caregivers. Suddenly, there are extra duties around the house. Some learn to help with ostomy appliances or continuous infusion pumps. It’s common to teach spouses to flush PICCs. I often assess my patient’s status by the level of distress expressed by the spouse.
  • There is an uninvited guest who never leaves: fear of recurrence. David and I married after my cancer treatment. It’s a cute story; maybe I’ll post it one day. A few years ago, my surveillance labs came back with abnormal liver function results. My doctor ordered an ultrasound. Watching the monitor while the tech swabbed my belly with a wand, I said to David, “Look, Honey, I’m not pregnant!” I laughed, the tech laughed, but I will never forget the look of pain in my husband’s eyes as he uncharacteristically admonished me, “This isn’t funny.” I felt guilty for his fear, for letting someone fall in love with me when the cancer could come back. It turned out, an antibiotic I had taken a few weeks before caused the elevated LFT results. There was no cancer, but our uninvited guest remains.

Nurses cannot make these things disappear for our patients. We can, however, be sensitive to their needs, and reassure that they’re on a well-traveled path. Remind them that the most important thing they can do to help themselves is to talk about the pressures they feel as the cancer patient, or as the partner with increased responsibilities. We can also encourage them to develop strategies against their common enemy as a couple. Finally, we can be prepared to provide information about community resources available to support them.

And hope for the best.

How do you help patients and their families adapt to changing roles during cancer treatment?

A Nurse’s Guide to The Art Of Rescue

Image

Horrified, I watched helplessly on the esplanade as a fuzzy, yellow gosling struggled to right itself from his back in the high water of Oregon’s Willamette River. Four feet away, his mother placidly treaded water, making no attempt to help.

The Willamette River runs swift and cold, with a notorious undertow. Impulsively, I considered jumping in to save the gosling, but the imaginary headline on the evening news played inside my head:

Crazy Nurse Drowns in Failed Attempt to Rescue Gosling. Pictures at Eleven.

Luckily, the gosling righted itself and swam away with its mom and siblings.

I feel a similar sense of helplessness caring for the occasional patient (and sometimes a family), drowning in profound grief expressed as anger.

They present at each appointment with unending lists of complaints. They antagonize their families, find fault with every caregiver, and disparage the home cooked meals generously provided by neighbors. They complain until you contact the oncologist on their behalf, only to find this patient refuses the prescription you are requesting every time his doctor offers it.

Your co-workers snigger when you tell them; they’ve made the same phone call for this patient. You believe your patient is stuck in the grief process at anger, expressing it by making everyone around him crazy. These patients are not violent, nor verbally abusive to nurses. The problem is the amount of energy they require, without solution or resolution. Eventually this may cause nurses to emotionally shun them, like the goose watching her gosling drown.

How can you help these patients without drowning along with them?

  • Enlist the help of nurse navigators, social services, and spiritual care. Some patients will refuse or sabotage this help, but ensure that it’s offered. These experts have experience dealing with these situations. Enlist their help.
  • Resist triangulating yourself between the patient and family, or patient and oncologist. Encourage the patient to interact with caregivers directly by scheduling her own appointments, rides, and prescription refills.
  • Using input from the nurse navigators, social services and spiritual care, create a care plan for this patient. Through consensus, gain buy-in from staff caring for him or her. Some patients benefit from consistent staff assignment — however, beware of establishing “favorite nurses.”
  • A characteristic of dysfunctional grief/anger is playing people (especially nurses) against each other. Ensure the care plan is ethically sustainable for the nursing unit. Other patients know when another receives “special” treatment. Keep things fair.

I think about the goose watching her gosling struggle helplessly, accepting that he may drown. It’s difficult to reconcile this image with the role of a nurse. Not every patient will die a good death, but with a little help, some, like the gosling, may right themselves.

What suggestions do you have for nurses with patients stuck in the grief process?

 

Cheap, Fast, Or Good

Last week I was on vacation, the centerpiece being a small family reunion of sorts at the

The View is Clear From Here.

home of my mother and stepfather. My sister and her husband flew in for the weekend from out of state. They booked a flight on one of those new airlines offering cheap tickets with a la carte prices, charging you for every little thing beyond a seat on the plane. My sister joked that even the seats were cheap: they did not recline. Passengers sat in full upright position the entire flight.

On Sunday afternoon, we dropped them off at the airport.

An hour later, my sister calls saying their flight is delayed two hours. Soon it was delayed two more. This went on for six hours. Finally they were told their plane was delayed due to mechanical problems in Las Vegas. The passengers asked for the flight to be cancelled, and their money refunded so they could make other arrangements. They were told the flight would never be cancelled. Flights were only cancelled due to weather conditions, not for the lack of a jet. They were not allowed to leave the security area. They were not provided with dinner vouchers. Glasses of wine cost $15.

Sky Law had been declared.

What, you ask, is Sky Law? It’s a reference from the TV show 30 Rock, spoken by Matt Damon playing Airline Pilot Carol:

“Sky law, it’s when I turn on the fasten seat belt light and nobody’s allowed to talk until I get ten minutes of silence. I made it up, but people are stupid.”

Eventually my sister and her husband made it home, but not until 2 am the next day. Between the food tab, and missed time at work, any savings from the inexpensive airline tickets was forfeit.

You can get it cheap, or you can get it good.

After vacation, I returned to work to find my coworkers complaining about how another department’s lagging is causing treatment delays, appointments to overlap, and general dissatisfaction among the nurses, and patients. These complaints from nurses and patients seem sucked up into the Bermuda Triangle of hospital administration.

You can get it fast, or you can get it good.

The airline industry has been cutting back services and raising their prices for a while now. Pop up airlines offer lower prices at the expense of customer service: fewer flights, possibly less crew. Perhaps it takes longer to access a new plane and flight crew when the unexpected occurs, creating long flight delays.

I suspect the delay in service to our patients may be connected to recent layoffs. Although I’m not aware they directly affected this department, layoffs mean that those of us remaining with jobs that impact patient care are doing more work with fewer resources. It takes longer to provide services when a department is unexpectedly short staffed, or hospital census rises unexpectedly.

Once again health care imitates the airline industry. You can get it cheap, or you can get it fast. It’s still possible to get it good, but you can’t have all three.

What Drawing Has in Common With Nursing

Self-Portrait. Pencil on paper 2001 by jparadisi

Telling Our Stories to Benefit Others is my latest blog post for TheONC; the online community for oncology care teams. Registering for TheONC is free for oncology nurses.

Having the opportunity to write about creativity and its place in the oncology setting allows me to blog out loud the internal dialogues about painting, writing, and nursing I’ve had ever since I came out of the closet as an artist over a decade ago.  I have found these words of Goethe’s true:

“Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.”

In my pursuit of living creatively, I frequently find magic in the convergence of science, humanity, and art. For instance, take this passage written by Peter Steinhart:

To draw anything you have to find a connection with it. You have to turn off the noise that keeps you from focusing. You have to let the object stir you to empathy or ennoblement or joy or compassion-even to fear. You must see that things are a part of your world in some special way before you can attend to them.

Now re-read the same passage, with a few simple changes:

To be a nurse, you have to find a connection with people. You have to turn off the noise that keeps you from focusing. You have to let patient care stir you to empathy or ennoblement or joy or compassion-even to fear. You must see that your patients are a part of your world in some special way before you can attend to them.

When making art, or practicing the art of nursing, it all boils down to focus and connection. Whichever you are doing today, find that focus and connection. Someone’s life will be better, because you did.

Never Stop Developing Your Curiosity: New Post This Week for TheONC

This week, I’ve written a new post for TheONC titled, Never Stop Developing Your Curiosity.  I discuss the role curiosity plays, not only in creativity, but also in patient care, such as helping a patient deal with chemo induced alopecia.

TheONC is an online community for cancer care teams with blogs and discussions covering a variety of oncology topics. Recent posts discuss palliative pain control, stem cell transplant, cancer risk after solid organ transplant, music therapy, and more. Individuals involved in the care of cancer patients can register for a site login, and join the conversation. Follow on Twitter @The_ONC.

Living With Our Mistakes & Holes in Our Socks

Knitting Two Socks at a Time on a Pair of Circular Needles. photo: jparadisi 2012

I’m learning to knit socks. If you read this blog regularly, you’ll recall learning to knit socks is one of my New Year’s Resolutions for 2012.  Since I don’t know what I’m doing anyway, I decided to learn the new method of knitting two socks at one time on a pair of circular needles, instead of one sock at a time on a single circular needle. Never mind only a few years ago I defined knitting as: making a tangled mess with yarn and sticks. Hey, I’m a girl who loves a challenge.  My audacity stems from years of the “see one, do one, teach one” on- the- job- training mentality most nurses rely on.

Fortunately, learning to knit socks two at a time is accompanied by patterns with clear diagrams and photographic illustrations. I found mine in Knitting Circles Around Socks by Antje Gillingham (Martingale & Company, publishers).

I’m happy to report I have successfully turned both heels. The most vexing problem has been confusing which of the four needle tips to use, then having to rip out and knit again previous rows after doing it wrong. I found one dropped stitch too, which is so far back at the beginning there is no way in hell I will rip out my work to redo it. I’ll simply learn to live with it.

If only nursing mistakes were as inconsequential. Who wouldn’t go back in time and fix the med error, rephrase the statement that made you sound dumb in front of coworkers, or treat differently the symptom, which turned out more significant than you realized at the time? Wouldn’t it be great if we could rip out our mistakes and knit them again like stitches dropped from a pair of needles?

We can’t.

Instead, I am aware of the importance my words carry when patients come to me with concerns or fears. I answer the same questions multiple times over the years of my career, but for the patient, their fears are new.  For everyone, I hope to get it right the first time: the right amount of compassion, the right understanding of the meaning of their words, the right kind of wisdom needed for a particular moment. If I get it wrong, coming across as abrupt, disinterested or intensifying fear rather than calming it, there is no going back to rip out stitches from the fabric created by my words and actions. They hang in our memories like dropped stitches; leaving an unsightly hole.

Nursing is more complex than knitting two socks with four needles. Often, there’s no way to go back and fix our mistakes. Sometimes the best we can do is learning from errors, acquire the necessary grace, and live with the resulting holes in our socks.

*Update: I finished knitting my first pair of socks last night.  See photo.

My First Pair of Knitted Socks! photo: jparadisi 2012


This Ghoul Will be Your Nurse Tonight: Should Nurses Wear Halloween Costumes to Work?

This IS My Costume. photo: jparadisi 2011

I dodged a bullet this week. My coworkers are wearing costumes to work on Halloween. I was scheduled to work that day, but on Friday a nurse asked to trade shifts, so I don’t have to decide whether or not to wear a costume. This year I won’t feel like the spoilsport among my coworkers. Don’t get me wrong, I like Halloween, costumes, jack o’lanterns, and all that. I just wonder if they are appropriate in patient care areas?

Nurses wearing costumes to work on Halloween aren’t limited to my unit. The entire hospital celebrates with costume contests (individual and department categories), decorations, and special treats. It’s intended to build enthusiasm and rapport among employees. There are written guidelines about what sort of costumes and decorations are not appropriate. Respect for gender, race, political, and religious beliefs is emphasized. Costumes and decorations cannot be gory or represent death. They cannot interfere with patient care either.

Earlier this month, Buckman elementary school principal Brian Anderson, in Portland, Oregon was included in an article in The Huffington Post because he banned costumes at the school. He took heat from parents, and sparked a national controversy on whether he was being fair.  The Portland Mercury quotes Anderson as saying:

For many reasons, the celebration of Halloween at school can lead to student exclusion. There are social, financial and cultural differences among our families that we must respect. The spirit of equity has led most PPS (Portland Public Schools) schools, including most elementary schools, to deemphasize the celebration of Halloween at school.

He has a point. Critics argue that banning Halloween costumes from schools is taking political correctness too far.

But what about hospitals and nurses?

Halloween costumes are allowed in every hospital I’ve worked for, however, I never wore one to work. In the PICU, there were so many painful situations that, for me, costumes felt out of place, yet I don’t recall a single patient or parent expressing disapproval of nurses dressed as witches or scarecrows. Now that I am an outpatient adult oncology nurse, I still don’t wear costumes to work. I have not heard complaints from our patients about the nurses who do.

What do other nurses and health care providers think about this? I also wonder what patients and people from other walks of life have to say.

Blue Eyeshadow, Nurse Jackie, and Patients Care

The evidence I am overly tired from a long stretch of shifts appears when I swipe a brush

photo: jparadisi 2011

across my eyelid and it is the wrong color. Yeah, I wear makeup to work. I can’t do Nurse Jackie’s bare face and aerodynamic haircut. Nurse Jackie goes for a stripped down, ready for battle look, but to me, she’s given up from battle fatigue. I feel my patients deserve a nurse looking like she expects to have a good day, even if I am more than a little tired.

More than a little tired caused dipping the brush into the wrong color of the eye shadow palette.  I look in the bathroom mirror expecting to see a neutral shade of taupe. Instead, a blue eyelid blinks back at me. I’m not talking about Mimi Bobeck blue eye shadow. Even at 5:45 in the morning, and bone tired, I have better fashion sense than that. The blue eye shadow I own is a silvery grey hue called gunmetal. It’s pretty. I wear it for special evening events and gallery openings, but it’s a little dramatic for work. There isn’t enough time to redo it and be on time, so I brush it on the other lid, minimize the eyeliner, and add only a light coat of mascara. A pale shade of lip gloss and I am out the door.

At work my coworkers look at my face a beat longer than usual, letting me know they notice the blue eye shadow without mentioning it. I have no idea what they think, because Oregonians are nothing if not polite.

Where I work, nurses wear surgical masks while inserting Huber (non-coring) needles into a patient’s chest to access his or her port. We are busy this shift, and over and over again I wear off my make up by putting on and taking off the masks, accessing ports. I began to think that Nurse Jackie is right. Why not skip the make up and sleep in an extra fifteen minutes? It doesn’t stay on anyway. Why bother?

My last patient of the shift is an elderly woman, arriving for her appointment too weak to stand. I help her from a wheelchair onto the bed, and adjust its head to a comfortable angle. She is pale, and tired. Beyond the window behind her a September breeze shakes leaves off of the trees which line the street.  Her fragility is that of an autumn leaf.

I gather the sterile supplies needed to access her port. I don the surgical mask and she is wearing one too, so she doesn’t breathe her own germs onto the access site after I swab it clean. I look down into her masked face. Her eyes look up into mine, and I see that she is wearing gunmetal blue eye shadow on her eyelids too.

Pain is The 5th Vital Sign, Who Has Control?

Photograph courtesy of Adriana Paradisi, 2011

Recently, two nurses in my blogging community wrote about patients in pain. Joni Watson at Nursetopia posted a link to horrific videos of patients suffering in pain without proper medication, and J. Doe at Those Emergency Blues urges nurses to provide post-op patients with education along with that vial of pain medication at discharge.

Patients who are not in control of their own pain medication often suffer in pain. Here’s a composite story from my Pediatric Intensive Care experience:

I am taking report on a child less than 24 hours post-op open-heart surgery. The night nurse, who is fairly new, tells me that the only pain medication given on her shift was acetaminophen, although the surgeon ordered narcotics too. I say, “WHAT?” The night shift nurse explains she offered narcotics, but the patient’s mother, who was up all night at the bedside, refused them. Like I said, I am familiar with this routine. I have a script for it. I ask the night shift nurse to follow me into the patient’s room so she can learn it too.

In the room, I see a small child sitting rigidly in a hospital bed. An untouched breakfast tray rests across her lap on the bedside table. Above her, the green tracings of the monitor displays tachycardia (heart rate is high). The central venous pressure (CVP) and blood pressure are also high. Barney the Purple Dinosaur is singing about friendship on the blaring TV, and I feel a headache coming on. Mom at the bedside, looks like she hasn’t slept for weeks, and is clearly exhausted. I say “Good morning,” and introduce myself. I say, “So, your daughter’s surgery went very well. How do you think she is doing today, right now?”

The Mom tells me her daughter seems very quiet, and isn’t eating breakfast, which is unusual. I say “Hmmm,” then point out that all of the numbers on the monitor are high, and to me, it looks like her daughter might be painful. “By the way, the night shift nurse mentioned that you prefer your daughter receive only acetaminophen, and she hasn’t had any narcotics. Is there a reason you don’t want her to receive narcotics?”

I am not surprised to find out that someone in the mother’s family recently died of cancer, or another long disease process and at end of life was on a narcotic drip.

The mother equates narcotics with death, and is illogically protecting her daughter by preventing narcotic administration. The patient is too young to speak for herself. I educate the mom on the difference between post-op analgesia and end of life pain control. She allows me to give a little narcotic to her child, and soon the kid is eating breakfast and singing along with Barney. Her vital signs are normal, and the surgeon is very happy with her progress.

Now I work in an ambulatory oncology clinic, and I see another variation of this patient who is not in control of his or her own pain medication administration. Typically, this patient has rapid disease progression, and almost always tumor metastasis to the spine. They are easily identified by their need of mobility assistance, and are painful even lying in bed. They tend to talk to you with their eyes closed. They are too sick to speak for themselves.

A family member always accompanies them, and that person knows the name of all the prescribed medications, the doses, and when they were last given. They give a detailed report of the patient’s diet, stools, and urinary output. The patient is clean, and dressed in clean clothes. They are obviously loved.

I assess for the fifth vital sign: pain. Their body language prepares me for a high number, and I am not surprised when they report an 8 out of 10, or greater. I see on the home medication list that the oncologist has prescribed both long acting pain medication and a short acting one for breakthrough pain.

I ask both the patient and the caregiver when the patient last had pain medication. The caregiver answers, “Last night.” I ask why the patient didn’t have a dose in the morning before this appointment. The answer is something like, “He needs to walk more.” “He doesn’t eat enough when he takes pain meds.” “I didn’t think he needed it,” and a long list more. Apparently, this is a very common problem confronting hospice nurses, and Medscape has a very good article on the topic.

It is my experience when encountering this caregiver and pointing out that their loved one is in pain that they start to cry. They almost always have the vial of long acting pain medication in their purse or pocket. I get an order from the oncologist, and together, the caregiver and I treat our patient for pain.

I explain that the bone pain will not go away; it will worsen. Our patient will need more pain medication, not less.  Then we discuss loss and grief, and how painful they are. The caregiver sees their loved one floating away on a cloud of analgesics, and illogically thinks that withholding narcotics will keep them here longer. I can’t fix this for them. It’s going to happen. I provide a safe environment to talk about grief. I urge them to be brave and declare their love by treating pain. I arrange the appropriate support to protect the patient at home.

And I say a little prayer for all of us.

I Wish I’d Said It

I went into a doctor’s office the other day and all the people—you know, the nurses and the receptionists and even the patients—were sort of short-tempered and not very nice. And it made me think, I just want to bop them over the head. It’s terribly important to keep a good temper.

-Julia Child